Monthly Archives: February 2013

What Wesley Crusher taught me today

Isn’t it interesting how things you hear can trigger such emotion?? I was listening to the latest installment of Radio Free Burrito, Wil Wheaton’s podcast and the last thing he was talking about was the blooper reel that will be on the upcoming Star Trek: The Next Generation 3rd season Blu-Ray release. He was relating how by the third season the cast was a pretty close knit group and if they messed up they would laugh it off and reset the scene. All if them except Wil, who would be come frustrated and apologize and be angry with himself from screwing up. He was 15 or 16 at the time. What also contributed to the frustration was that by this time Wesley’s role had been reduced to “aye sir” and a lot of technobabble as he likes to call it. This fact was a foolish teenage factor is asking to be written off the show in the subsequent season.

He said something at the end of the podcast that really struck a nerve with me. He talked about how his teenage self was doing the best he could and maybe one day being able to make peace with that. I related this back to my own life with my own frustration in my job. It caused me to cry.

I am nearly 42 years old and I am a relatively new second career RN. I am a former Respiratory therapist of 12 years. I knew that job and did that job well. Graduating April 2012 and finding a job finally in August, starting in September that year. I have been off orientation since December 9th and have working with 5-6 patients each shift since then. Nursing is a tough job and a job that I have only scratched the surface of.

Each shift, that job is a struggle. Each shift is different. Different patients, acuities, med schedules, some pain management some not, some total care some not. While it is nice to have a routine most of the time it is not possible as things are thrown at you from Left field much of the time.

Anyway, I know I am doing the best I can do but at the same time I do not feel as if my best is good enough and that is so frustrating. When I get behind, I stress. It’s a horrible feeling to know you are doing what you can but still feeling inadequate.

So that podcast really struck a nerve with me today. It helped give me hope that not only will I become better at my job but also that I may one day Buble to make peace with these times as they are now


Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence

As I have stated before in this blog I am a huge fan of horror.  Some people like to be scared.  I am one of those people. However, I enjoy being scared by a movie as opposed to being physically in danger as on the rollercoaster or things like the Tower of Terror at Disney Hollywood studios.  That type of thing is too much for me.   This entry might insult peoples sensitivities and maybe make you dislike me.  I am not sick. I know this stuff is not real.  No  one is being harmed in the making of these films.  I am not the only one out there. There are thousands of fans of horror films from all walks of life as evidenced by plethora of podcasts, magazines and movies made each year.

After my husband and I watched Human Centipede I made the decision that I would not watch Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence. The second installment of Tom Six’s  Human Centipede series which was born from a joke that a child molester should be sewn to the anus of a big fat trucker.  I thought that the first one was kind of sick.    Well, the other night I broke my vow.  My husband had fallen asleep on the couch and our DVR was recording two things one of which was wrestling (yuck) and the other The Following which I didn’t want to watch without him.  So I turned to good ole Netflix streaming. I searched an searched and searched for something and ultimately decided to watch this film.

This movie is entirely in black and white making what happens in the last 30 minutes of the film a bit more easier to tolerate   The story follows Marin Lomax, a fat, asthmatic, strange, bug eyed,  car park attendant that lives with his suicidal mother.  Martin, we learn shortly, was molested and physically abused by his father who is now in prison to the chagrin of his mother who blames Martin for this fact.  Martin is obsessed with the movie Human Centipede: first Sequence and the movie opens with him watching the final scene of First sequence on his lap top computer in the toll booth of the car park.

The first 50 minutes of the film are basically Martin renting a disgusting warehouse and kidnapping his victims.  He captures his victims in various ways.  One of his victims is Ashlynn Yennie playing herself.  Somehow Martin lures her into coming on the guise of a movie audition.  The last 30-35 minutes of the film is his building of his 12 person centipede a la the first film in this warehouse. Since he is not a doctor he uses duct tape and heavy duty staples to connect his victims.

There are scenes of him knocking out teeth of his victims, rape, masturbation, bludgeoning ,  babicide (although unintentional), shootings, neck slashing, and  people shitting on each other.  Some seriously sick and disturbing stuff.  This film is intentionally controversial and intentionally disgusting. Torture porn in it’s worst incantation.

The first part of the movie really bored me but the second half had me simultaneously riveted and repulsed repeatedly saying “Oooo, that had to hurt.”  It was seriously more disturbing than the first.  I will never watch that movie again.  There really is no need because those images will be forever branded on my brain.  If you like the Hostel series (well the first two anyway) you may enjoy Full Sequence.    To me the HC: First Sequence is more like Hostel in horrible images but HC: Full sequence really goes quite far, almost too far.  I wish I could un-watch it, honestly.  You have been warned.


Podcast: Devour the Podcast.

One of my newest podcasts that I have discovered is Devour the Podcast, Podcast.  It’s a horror genre podcast.  I love horror movies.  I always have.  My parents started me early with such classics as  “The Hearse”, The Howling  and “Zombie 2”  So I’ have had a lifelong love of horror movies. I read Fangoria as a tween and teen  before there was such a thing as a tween in the american vernacular. .  I couldn’t get enough. I was a teen in the 80’s and  we had  the slashers which I found that the lower the budget the better the slasher film and I loved them. I had two friends and a friends mom who I would watch many many low budget horror classics such as “Happy Birthday to me”, April Fools Day, Evil Dead and Sleepaway Camp.

This podcast and accompanying blog is really great!   I love listening to it although I am way behind and frequently skip around so I can listen to casts about movies I have seen or really want to see.  Each podcast in this series follows a format.  Usually they start with the movies they have watched during the week and their commentary and reviews of each.    I wonder if these people get paid to do these podcasts because I don’t have nearly as much time to watch horror films as they apparently do.  I watch at the most 1-2 a month on a good month.  I used to watch much more- when I was single.

Then they move onto horror news .  They talk about what is new and exciting in the horror world. New movies, new editions of old movies, DVD releases, Blu-ray re-releases etc.  I have discovered some movies this way and I have added them to my must see list.

Then they move onto “It came from the Instant Queue”.  Netflix instant queue that is.  They discuss and rate it.  Sometimes it’s a don’t waste your time about a movie in the instant queue.  I think this is awesome because I do the streaming from Netflix so I can check out these movies as I become interested in them.

They have their “Feature Presentation” which is usually a retrospective of some old horror movie.  It’s very entertaining if you have seen the movies and can give you an idea if you actually want to see the movie they are describing.  There are lots of good laughs and lots of new perspectives on old movies.  I recently listened to an older episode where they had a retrospective of  Sleepaway Camp in which they stated that this was the first transgender and gay characters in a horror movie that didn’t received ridicule for being gay or transgender.  I thought that was an interesting and true statement when I really thought about it for a couple of minutes.

If you enjoy horror and you enjoy listening to podcasts and reading blogs check out Devour the Podcast.  You can find them in a number of places.

These podcasts are long 1.5  to 2 hours each.  So it’s a time commitment to listen.   But worth it and that’s why I’m so far behind.

Join the facebook group:


Podcast show notes:

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes:  Search “Devour the Podcast”

Cup cakes Red Velvet

Today I made cupcakes for our valentine day “party” in the lounge during work this week.  I had no choice but to make them today because I work tomorrow and get off too late to be making cupcakes the night before.

I used Dunken Hines Red Velvet cake mix  and I made the cream Cheese frosting myself using the following recipe.

2- 8 oz packages of cream cheese

1/2 cup butter, softened

2 cups shifted confectioners sugar (10x)

1 teaspoon Vanilla Extract

In a medium bowl, cream together the cream cheese and butter until creamy. Mix in the vanilla, then gradually stir in the confectioners’ sugar. Store in the refrigerator after use.

(recipe from All

I used my new cake decorator that I got for Christmas this year to decorate the cupcakes.




Buddy update 2-11-13

We received word the day following the last blood draw which occurred on the same day we went to the oncology vet that his neutrophils have actually increased.  So the Vet sent us the Palladia in the mail at the 20 mg dose.  We had no break in medication as expected.  It just worked out that way.  Palladia is expensive $140 a pop for 30 day supply.   So far we are okay with that.  Hasn’t broken our bank yet.   We are really thankful it is working for Buddy.  I am so not ready to let him go yet.  He does not appear to be suffering at all.  He’s a spry as he has always been.

Buddy update 2-6-2013

I packed Buddy up today with his bed and a blanket for the car ride over to the oncology vet today where he had his appointment.  I brought him in expecting an ultra sound, a $300 bill, the Palladia, and a dog wet with ultrasound gel.  I got none of that.

They took Buddy back and about 15  minutes later the doctor came out with Buddy.  She said that she could no longer palpate a tumor in Buddy’s pelvic canal. That means the Palladia is working!    Great news.  No ultrasound this time.  It will be actually measured next time.

I had the 30 credit on my bill from last time so my visit cost under $20 including the Palladia.

However, Buddy has lost some weight (about a pound by the looks of it from the last time he got weighed at the regular vet to this time.

Buddy’s weight prior to treatment:  15.00

Buddy’s weight now: 13.60  (this is the lightest he has been since May 2010)

I’m not sure if the doctor didn’t make it clear on the discharge instructions or if i just misread it but apparently we were supposed to have blood work done (just a CBC) the week of the appointment.  So that actually didn’t get done.  Thus, we left without Palladia.

Why?  Because dosing for animals is largely weight based.  The doctor is concerned about his neutrophil count (Currently 2,464 /ul and still within normal range) and possibly having to lower the dose of the Palladia from 20mg to 15mg.  So I had to run Buddy over our regular vet today to get his blood drawn so we can have the results by tomorrow and have them faxed over to the vet office.  (apparently they are sharing all information regarding Buddy’s care both ways.)

Then the oncology vet will mail us the a months worth of correct dose Palladia upon the results of the CBC drawn today.  The doctor is concerned about “killing” his bone marrow.  and I am too.  So I am glad to take the extra step of carting him over to the our regular vet to have the blood drawn.

So I guess we should try to beef Buddy up a bit. I am to follow up tomorrow to make sure the results were received.  Worst case Buddy will have a couple day vacation from the Palladia.

He is still doing fine. Eating drinking, and just being Buddy. That one vomit episode has not been repeated and he suffers no colitis.

I just looked again at my instructions and they are officially calling this Sublumbar Lymph node metastasis of a left anal sac adenocarcinoma. (removed 12-5-12)




anal sac adenocarcinoma