Lords Of Salem

What a piece of crap that movie was.

I am a fan of horror. I am however not a fan of Rob Zombie.

I have seen three Rob Zombie movies

    Halloween (reboot)
    Halloween 2 (reboot)
    Lords of Salem

The only one I liked was Halloween. I consider myself a fairly intel event person but Halloween 2 made me scratch my head and say what?

Lords of Salem had me doing much of the same. The basic plot is this. A radio DJ, Heidi, gets an durge of a recording by a group called The Lords. They are dubbed by the radio show group as the lords of Salem since they reason they must be from Salem. This record affects her in a bizarre way and she starts acting weirdly.

There are these three chicks played brilliantly by Patricia Quinn (Rocky Horror), Judy Geeson and Dee Wallace Stone one of which owns the building that Heidi lives in.

Those ladies are possibly the best thing about the movie.

There is a whole mythology about the Salem witch trials and the diary of Reverand Nathanial Hawthorn in which he referees to the some 25 witches that died during the Salem witch trials.

There is a revelation, thanks to Francis Mathias, that Heidi is actually Adelaide Hawthorn, a descendant of Nathaniel Hawthorne. One of those witches cursed the women of Salem and the descendants of Nathanial Hawthorne.

There is a mass suicide and Heidi is missing.

That is really way over simplifying the plot of the movie. The premise and the twist seems like it would be interesting but it just wasn’t. The imagery was just confusing overdone and loud.

I wish I could get 101 minutes of my life back. It has been said that Rob Zombie understands horror as an aural-visual experience that should gnaw at the nerves, seep into the subconscious, and beget unshakeable nightmares. Well yeah, this movie gnawed at my nerves but not in a frightful way but it simply got on my nerves period.

I watched The Last Exorcist 2 just prior to Lords of Salem and enjoyed that more.

I think I’ll have to give up on you Rob Zombie.


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